I’ve been tossing this idea around for a few months now, debating on my courage to step out and write a blog about it. I was holding back from posting because I didn’t have the answers I thought I should have; I wanted to present a new idea with new passion and new revelation.
But the truth is: I have no idea. I do not have a firm grasp on what it was intended to be, how we’ve messed it up, or how to progress out of it. Please, though, can we just talk about it? Because honestly, does anyone know?
Has our inability as women to walk in femininity resulted in the quenching of men’s ability to walk in masculinity?
ility, inity, ility, inity…. What does this even mean?
Here’s what I am trying to get at. Ladies, how often do we complain that our men aren’t stepping up?
He’s not pursuing me.
I wish he would be a spiritual leader.
I’m sick of asking him to do things all the time.
Why can’t men step up and be men?
Whatever happened to chivalry?
I’m guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty of condemning men for their lack of stepping up, for remaining passive instead of walking in the fullness of their masculinity. I was frustrated and began losing hope that such a man even existed.
But then I was extremely humbled when forced to search my own heart and actions and realize that maybe I had something to do with it. As I began thinking about past relationships and interactions with men, I realize that maybe I wasn’t giving them a fair opportunity to step up.
I would initiate conversation…but be confused as to why they’d never text me first.
I would send the vibe that I can do it all by myself…but be frustrated when a man wouldn’t help.
I would give myself freely to prohibit any chance they had of pursuit… but get upset that they weren’t pursuing me.
Well, duh. Are we understanding what I’m getting at here?
Now, don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying it’s completely our fault, for the fruit of the fall is passivity of men.
“Let me ask you a question: Where is Adam, while the serpent is tempting Eve? He’s standing right there: “She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it” (Gen 3:6). The Hebrew for “with her” means right there, elbow to elbow. Adam isn’t away in another part of the forest; he has no alibi. He is standing right there, watching the whole thing unravel. What does he do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing… He won’t risk, he won’t fight, and he won’t rescue Eve. Our first father- the first real man- gave in to paralysis. He denied his very nature and went passive. And every man after him…carries in his heart now the same failure.” – John Eldredge, Wild at Heart
There’s also a fruit of the fall that affects us as women.
“Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart’s longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control…but beneath it all, behind it all is a simple truth: women dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability…That self-protective way of relating to others has nothing to do with real loving, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God.” Stasi Eldredge, Captivating
So, yes, there is a “natural tendency” due to the fall for men to be passive and for women to be controlling. But that’s not how it was originally intended! I guess the questions bids, then, how do we, as children under the new covenant of Christ, overcome? More specifically, how do we as women encourage and exhort our brothers, fathers, and lovers to walk in the fullness of their masculinity?
Like I said at the beginning, I really don’t know. I do think, though, that when we as daughters:
a) allow our Father to heal our past wounds
b) recognize our beauty and worth
c) walk confidently in our God-given femininity
We will create an environment in which men can thrive in walking fully in their God-given masculinity.
There’s so much grace for us; it’s a journey! We’re probably going to mess up sometimes. But, oh how the body of Christ could thrive as sons and daughters step into fullness!
Let’s be intentional.
Let’s pray for each other.
Let’s speak life into situations.
Let’s pursue our Heavenly King and Shepherd together.
Let’s learn to love well.